Desert Island Family; or, the merits of Christian Friendship

Originally Published: November 27, 2018

I would like to dedicate this blog post to all my friends, both those who know Christ and those who don’t. Thank you all for being there for the happiest moments, darkest moments and the toughest moments of my life. Without God and you all I honestly don’t know how I would have got through all of this. This one’s for you guys.

Have you ever been at a party, in a class, or at some other awkward group event where, staring out at a sea of bored faces, the organizer decides that it’s time for icebreakers? If you have, you might be familiar with the ‘desert island’ activity–you know, that one where the person asks in a too-chipper voice, “if you were stranded on a desert island and could only bring one [insert category of object here], what would it be?”

Sometimes it’s about books, sometimes sandwiches (you get a lot of ‘boat-sandwiches’ that way), but whatever category your strained organizer chooses, you can typically sort the answers into two categories.

On the one hand, you’ve got the people who want to make the best of their time in solitude–the type who’ll pick a nice long book that they can read over and over, or their favourite sandwich which they can eat in peace (before presumably beginning some awe-inspiring trek to reclaim what they’ve lost by making bread out of coconuts).

On the other hand, you’ve got the people who will do everything to get back to civilization–these are the ones who pick “How to Build a Raft for Dummies” or the aforementioned boat-sandwich.

Actually, scratch “two categories,” because we all know there’s a third person–the most devious of all: the one who, no matter the category of object, somehow manage to bring their friend along to suffer with them.

I don’t think these are necessarily hard and fast categories, nor are they necessarily mutually exclusive (I got them from a silly game after all). I think that each of us has a little bit of each of these people in us; we all want to be alone sometimes, we all run to community sometimes, and we all lean on our friends (even when sometimes it’s not in their best interests). The bottom line is that managing friendships is important.

After I began my journey with Christ, and devoted my life to serving him, I realized my circle of friends began to get smaller, rather than larger. One of the biggest draws of Christianity for a lot   of people is how following Jesus binds us into a family with God and with all other believers–in this, Jesus is the boat off of that desert island, back to a warm, welcoming, and hopefully more inclusive community than before.

So, at first glance, you might have seen the population of my little island dropping and wondered, “what is this dude talking about?” Well, I wasn’t becoming a monk, that’s for sure. Rather, I started being more selective of the people I really called my friends–started looking beyond a virtual subscriber count for my validation.

I spent less time in relationships that were toxic and began to pour into relationships with those in my new family. Becoming friends with followers of Christ helped me grow and learn as (hopefully and humbly) I helped them grow and learn as well. They brought me up when I was down. They wanted to see me grow and encouraged me every step of the way. They had the same mentality as I did–not always the same ambitions, opinions, or convictions, but at least the same core.

Don’t get me wrong; I still have friends who don’t follow Christ, and I respect them as much as I do with my friends that are Christian. I don’t in any way want this to sound like some sort of call to some sort of insular, Christians-only club. Rather than prescribing my friendships, following Jesus has shown me the beauty that can be found in healthy friendships, and just what I can bring to them myself.

That being said, this post is primarily about my Christian friends–my new brothers and sisters. It’s for the ones who I can always turn to for Godly advice, who point me back to God when I’m lost, and who speak His words to me when I can’t hear them well enough myself. It’s for the ones who speak the truth, and who speak it in action, who know they aren’t perfect and walk humble in their humanity and confident in their saviour. It’s for the ones who walk beside me through the same valleys and hills, in whose lives I’ve seen God work wonders, an in whose eyes I can see God.

Even just hanging out with some of these friends, I can see God in them, and that brings me so much joy. It also gives me quite the example to live up to.

Have you ever heard of a saying something along the lines of “You Become Who You Hang Out With” (not to be confused with “You Are What You Eat?” Please don’t eat your friends)? Fun fact: it’s biblical. This is why I surround myself with people that uplift me and am a bit of a junkie for events like conferences and missions’ trips that put me in touch with other like-minded Christians.  

Since meeting Christ, the friend He has led me to have become, you can say, my second family. They mean more than just a friend. Sometimes I wonder how they can handle someone like me.

To me a friend is someone who is loyal, honest, trustworthy, caring and understanding. A friend is there for your lowest and highest point in life. They are someone who’s right beside you when you need them the most but your also there for them when they need you. There’s a reason that when Jesus came, He said,

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other. (x)

As in all good things, we have Jesus as an example of what it means to be a friend: a radical, self-sacrificing love, wholly dependent on God.

I suppose this brings us back to our island illustration from the beginning, specifically our third type of person. In a good friendship, the effort should come from both sides. A one-sided friendship–one that doesn’t care for the needs of the other person, and/or only consists of one person getting something from the other–is a recipe for disaster. Our love should be sacrificial, intentional, and guided by the love of Christ, not self-seeking, proud, or envious.

I’m grateful to call my friends a friend. I am grateful that Christ, my truest friend, did not leave me on my desert island. My friends are my family, and like family, they’re not perfect, but the God who we follow is, and it is in Him that all trials shall be overcome. It’s not what stands in front of you, it’s who stands beside you.