Originally Published: September 10, 2018
Close your eyes and imagine with me for a second. Wait–no don’t do that; most people can’t read with their eyes closed.
Okay, let’s try again. Keep your eyes open and imagine with me (that’s better). Imagine you’re sitting in a plane, 30 000 feet in the air, on your way to the tropical vacation you’re starting to wish for now that fall is fast approaching. There’s a child, maybe 7 or 8 years old, in the seat beside you, fiddling with a cell phone that he’s probably too young for. On the other side, there’s a woman, maybe 70 or 80 years old, with the same brand of phone but half of the innate tech-savviness. Suddenly, you hear a loud crack outside the window, and the cabin bumps in the air. The captain’s voice comes on over the intercom and tells you that there’s a problem with the engine, everyone gets to their seats. There’s another bump and the oxygen masks drop from the ceiling. Here’s the moment of truth–do you:
- Help the kid, now screaming, get his mask on?
- Help the woman, now fainted, get her mask on?
- Put your own mask on?
If you’d been listening to the flight attendant before takeoff, you would know that the correct answer (as it always is) is C. Why? Because if you run out of oxygen, you’re not really gonna be much use to anyone else, are you?
This metaphor is probably one you’ve heard before; it has become commonplace when talking about how we need to care for ourselves in order to care for others. However, for a Christian, taking care of oneself doesn’t always seem so cut and dry.
The Bible is clear as to what our priorities should be. When asked what the greatest commandment in God’s law is, Jesus answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment.And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Our top two concerns are God and others. We see this echoed again in Philippians 2:3, where Paul reminds us to “do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above [our]selves.”
So now imagine you’re back on the plane again, only this time, you’re not a passenger, you’re a pilot. Your whole job is centered around the people in the cabin behind you–people who are now screaming in terror as you nosedive through the air.
Actually, scratch that. Now you’re Superman, flying underneath the plane, holding it aloft so that you can deliver everyone on board safely to the ground. Not only is this your job, it is now your duty–the centrepiece of your life. If you fail, you essentially fail at being who you’re supposed to be: a superhero.
This is how we tend to think–we see the world on our shoulders, the crashing plane in our hands, and need to save it. The problem here is this: we are not superheroes.
Keeping the world spinning is God’s job, not ours. Changing people’s’ hearts is God’s job, not ours.
If you’re anything like me, you know that it’s not easy to ‘hang up the tights,’ so to speak. I’ve been known to be a bit of a workaholic, filling my schedule with things to keep me occupied. Everything I’d stuff my time with was still good–leadership, kingdom building, mentorship–but I soon realized (or should I say, I have been realizing) that I just couldn’t handle everything. It was taking a toll on my body, my mind, and my spirit.
If you were following my extended metaphor closely, you might have noticed something else that becomes blatantly clear when you think about it simply: the pilot should be the first one to put on their oxygen mask, otherwise the passengers have no chance at all.
Think about it this way: if the pilot were to drop their controls and run to the back to try to put everyone else’s masks on first, it wouldn’t matter if they could breathe or not, because they wouldn’t be in the air for long.
There were many points in my life where I tried to be the pilot who rushed to the back, and the effects were apparent. Forgetting to care for myself caused me to lose my energy and time and work myself into a state that I wouldn’t wish on anyone else. I was fighting everyone’s battles but my own, and often, they didn’t appreciate the scars I took for them.
The Bible calls our bodies a temple. That means that we need to take care of ourselves, in order to please God. However, we also know that God loves each and every one of us–not just as metaphysical mortar and stone, but as people, and as children. He wants us to be healthy, in mind, body, and spirit, because He cares about our holistic wellbeing.
Looking back to that passage from Matthew, even though our two priorities are God and others, we can see that a love for yourself is also vital. Jesus says, “Love your neighbour as yourself,” not “love your neighbour like your pet” or “love your neighbour like a particularly good book.” We need our benchmark, and God has given it to us by showing us just how much He loves us; He sent Jesus to die and rise again, for after all, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13).
God cares for us this much, and (while we can never love anything as much as God loves us) we need to treat ourselves with the same kind of love. Then as a result, we will show that kind of love to others
Learning how to care for yourself is never an easy journey, and really, it can’t be summed up in a simple metaphor. It takes evaluation and re-evaluation; it takes looking at your life frankly and being humble enough to ask for help when you need it. It takes putting in the effort towards yourself–getting to know yourself, what helps you, and what hinders you–so that you can put in the effort towards others.
I was fortunate; I had people in my life that told me that I needed to take some time off and recharge and just focus on myself, which I found helpful. Self-care takes many different forms, and it’s going to be different for everyone, but there are some touchstones.
- Do things you love–This is a great place to start. Barring things that hurt you (drugs, toxic relationships, etc.), you should do the things that make you happy (in moderation, of course).
- Do things with people you love — We’re built to be in community, so lean into that. If you’re an introvert, you’ll need your alone time of course, but don’t isolate yourself.
- Do things that connect you to God–Spend time reading the bible, listening to worship music, praying. Really though, this also encapsulates everything you do in #1 and 2; God is your ultimate source of life, so all care comes from Him in one way or another–if it doesn’t, it’s not care.
The Christian walk always starts with you and God. The love you give others should always be a response to how you are seen and loved by God. You can’t share life–oxygen or otherwise–with someone else if you aren’t plugged in to your own source.
Trust in God live your life in his footsteps and He will not only be there to help you in your time of need, but He will give you more than you could ever imagine for yourself. He is the ultimate caregiver, the real hero holding up the plane, and He has no plans to let it fall.
Confessions from Crickets 