Dear Beloved; or, Choose a Bigger Love

Well it’s about that time again.

The aisles of red and pink have long since cropped up in Dollaramas across the city. The jewelry stores are going hard on their radio ads. You can’t see them, but you can bet that dating apps have appeared on the phones in the pockets of half the people you pass on the street. Some of our more cynical friends are already planning the best way of silently protesting the forthcoming fourteenth.

Love is, as they say, in the air.

That’s why I wanted to take some time to talk about love, which is, (no pun intended) a passion of mine. That’s why I want to ask: what is love?

“Baby don’t hurt me”

We were all thinking it right? It’s kinda wild that the first thing that we think of when we ask that question is a lyric from a 1992 song by a band whose name most of us probably don’t even know (it’s Haddaway. Now you know).

There are so many songs, movies, and books about love, but how often do we actually sit down and think about what we’re singing, screening, and reading about?

So in the week before love becomes the only thing anyone is talking about, let’s get ahead of the game.

I think in today’s world, when we’re talking about love, we talk about it in the sense of a romantic relationship. Romance is great (I’m personally a big fan), but I think that love is beyond and above this one idea. 

“The greatest of these is love”

God shows us how to love, but often, we take that love and shrink it. Passages like this one (1 Corinthians 13) end up just as readings at weddings; if you’re at a Christian wedding and you don’t hear “love is patient. Love is kind…” have you actually been to a Christian wedding?

And there’s nothing wrong with using powerful explanations of love alongside these powerful witnesses of love, but we can’t fool ourselves into thinking that that’s the only situation that these passages apply to, that that’s all that love is. 

But love is bigger than that. Realistically, our every action should be motivated by love. We should not only be patient, kind, trusting, hoping, and persevering, (among all the other things that love does) in our relationships with our romantic partners, but in our relationships with everyone. Literally everyone. 

One of the things that I love about God is that his love for us is unconditional. As Paul reminds us in his letter to believers in Rome, “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Likewise, we need to follow Christ on the path of unconditional love and show that love to others. 

We’ve got to love everyone for who they are, not by the way they look, and not even by how they treat us. None of us are flawless. We all make mistakes, and more than that, we all do things that we know are wrong. We are all different, and we break in different ways, but we are also all made in the image of God. When we look at those we love, or those we say we hate, are we seeing the broken pieces, or are we seeing God in the reflection? 

“Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”

Once, before she became a Christian, my girlfriend, Kamal, asked me how and why I could love her so much. 

There’s a lot behind this question for me. Obviously, I’m not the perfect boyfriend, and that means I don’t love her perfectly. But for whatever love I could give her, I told her the truth.

I told her about how God loved me, and how through that I could learn to love myself, appreciating myself for who God created me to be in his image. 

I told her that, when I understood how God saw me, I began to understand how God sees others. I love that vision, and if I try to look the same way, I can start to genuinely love others.

I told her about how Jesus summarized the law of God: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’

A lot of people find fault in the second part, because they understand just how easy it is to hate yourself–to see the cracks that scar the image. But when you’re working from an understanding of just how much God loves you, then it all makes sense.

Learning how to appreciate yourself teaches you how to appreciate others. Learning how to accept yourself teaches you to accept others. 

But it’s not a narcissistic love. I’m not saying that you should stare deeply into your own reflection until you’ve lovingly mapped every crease and wrinkle, and then turn your face to those around you. No, you are the site of a love that is somehow both unique and universal. God has built us to love, and so we all do, in big and small ways, but if we look at the fingerprints that he has left on us, we can better understand how love could be more than we ever expected.

Jesus has always loved me more than I will ever deserve to be loved. How can I do any less for my neighbour?

“Love never fails”

When we’re surrounded by Hallmark cards and paper hearts, it’s easy to forget how powerful love really is. Small love is easy, because we can keep it to ourselves for the most part. I think that, in a lot of ways, it’s this misunderstanding of love that limits the love that we see in the world. 

If you can’t imagine someone’s life being changed by an overwhelming love, then it’s easy to think that maybe their life can’t be changed at all. If you can’t imagine walls being torn down by a reconciling love, then maybe it’s easy to think that they will never fall. If you can’t imagine captives being released by a redemptive love, then maybe it’s easy to see the shackles as unbreakable.

But I have felt that overwhelming, reconciling, redemptive love, and I believe that this world is beloved. So choose love–choose a bigger love–and together in Christ, we will show that love to the world.

A Letter to Myself; or, Hindsight is 2020

It’s now 2020, and I think for a lot of us, the start of a new decade encourages us to look back at where we were at the beginning of the one that has just ended, and think about just how far we’ve come. 

As someone whose entire teenagehood fell within this last decade, this reflection is particularly poignant for me–not only am I physically practically a different person than I was 10 years ago (even though I’m not much taller), I’ve also grown radically on the inside.

Today’s post is for you, my normal audience, as you look back at the last ten years to look forward into the next. It’s also for people my age who really did most of their growing up in the 2010s. But mostly, it’s for Cricket, age 12, a small Sri Lankan kid with a lot to say and so much amazing coming his way.

So hello Cricket. I hope you’re doing well.

I’ll confess that I don’t really remember much of what was going on when I was you, but I hope that the next few years will show you why that’s the case. So much is about to happen in your life, and I think it’s fair to say that you won’t be prepared for it. It’s also fair to say that that’s okay.

For a few years, you’ll just do your best to live your life as any average Hindu teenager in Canada. 

You’ll try hard in school, even though people around you will put you down because of how difficult it is for you (I hope grade 7 isn’t treating you too poorly right now). I wish you could learn earlier than I did that your learning disability isn’t a negative thing. It just means you learn differently than other people, and when you understand that, you will gain tools that can help you succeed. Heck, you thought you’d never be smart enough to get into university, but in ten years, you’ll have proved yourself wrong and been accepted to Tyndale for their Biblical Studies and Theology Program (more on that area of focus later).

You’ll want to fall in love, and you’ll look for love all around you. I can safely say that you won’t exactly ‘look for love in all the wrong places’ as the teenage cliche goes, but you won’t find the one you’re looking for until the decade is almost over. When you do though, you’ll wish you hadn’t wasted the years before with anyone else. She is amazing, beautiful, intelligent, remarkable, kind, compassionate–she’s the love of your life, and I could go on and on about her, but for the sake of time, and for the joy of discovery, I’ll let you figure the rest out yourself.

Lastly, you’ll be looking to the future–looking at me, though you don’t know it yet–and trying to figure out what your purpose is, what your place in the world will be, and what will bring you joy. Largely, you’ll try to find it in money, but I can tell you now that money isn’t everything in the world. Money can’t bring you joy or lasting happiness. (I mean, I should probably tell you to start saving now, ‘cause the housing market is garbage in 2020, but that’s besides the point.)

That brings me to the most important thing I can tell you–the most important thing that will happen to you in this decade. Not too long from now, you’ll meet a guy named Jesus, and he’ll turn your entire life around. It is in Him that you will find true joy, true purpose, and true freedom. 

Through him you’ll meet some of the best friends you’ll ever have, as well as the aforementioned love of your life. Through him you’ll be given opportunities you can’t even dream of right now. Through him you will find a peace that surpassess your worrying heart. But ultimately, through him, you will finally understand what love really means. 

Jesus really will change your life, and not only will you see it, but so will everyone around you. I know you’re a guy who appreciates words of affirmation, so I’d like to share some from the last decade that really show how that change has been seen in you. Each and every following word was written by someone you’ll have worked with in ministry in the coming years–people you respect, trust, and love. Grab a box of tissues; you know how we cry.

You are such an amazing, unique person and I hope that you never lose who you are becoming. You are so special–not just to God, but to everyone around you. You are an inspiring man of God and I have not seen a guy more passionate about youth. It’s so amazing to see how much the kids love you and your heart for them as well. God is so bright in you. I now know I have a friend I can count on. You don’t keep your light locked up you let it shine for all to see. You are a light in the world. And God is already using you to push away the darkness. 

Man I can’t begin to say how much you’ll have grown in ten years. By the time you’re me, you’ll have been a kid, a preteen, a teenager, a young man, and…well I haven’t quite hit old man yet, but I’m on my way. You wouldn’t even believe the growth you’ll have made. Just remember to cherish the people that will help bring you to that place, as they will all be showing you the love of Christ, even if they don’t know it. 

God has big plans for your future–bigger than big! I know you’re worried about what’s coming next; we tend to do that. But I can assure you that God is bigger than the troubles you’re facing, and God is bigger than your fears. Matthew 6:27 will become a powerful reminder for you: “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” Sure you’re going to mess up, and sure you’re going to lose battles, but you’ll win the war, because God is fighting for you. Learn from your mistakes, and get to know the Heavenly Father who loves you, mistakes and all. 

What I’ve written today is only a snippet of what’s to come, and honestly, that’s because I still don’t really know what the future holds for you. Even though hindsight is currently 2020 (get it? ‘Cause the year?), that still only gives me the benefit of ten more years of experience than you have. Our future is still only in God’s hands, but I know that it is safe there, for both of us. I know that it is safe there for all of us.

So my dear Cricket, and all my other readers at home, I wish you a very Happy New Year and a bold new decade. May you see God in all the beauty that is around you. May you reflect his love in everything you do. May you approach the wounds in this world and in yourselves with the redemptive power of his grace. And may you be strong and courageous, knowing that the Lord will be with you, wherever you go.

Stay grateful my friend,

Cricket

“A Timothy in My Life;” or, An Internship at St. Andrews

Originally Published: December 14, 2019

If you ever find yourself in the middle of Scarborough (or at least south of the Town Centre), and you walk along the small road that skirts the North side of Thompson Park, you may come upon a small church with a tall steeple. Behind the old brick walls, down the stairs, and through the third doorway on the right, you’ll find yourself in the youth room, welcomed by a big, happy, bearded man named Alain…wait a second…that’s not Alain! That’s a short brown guy. That’s…that’s…

Me!

Well, if you were to come this Sunday, you would see Alain too, but since August, I’ve been fortunate enough to have the opportunity to serve as a paid intern in the youth ministry program at St. Andrew’s Presbyterian Church in Scarborough, and for the first few months, our normal youth minister, Alain Virgin, was on sabbatical, so I was the guy! 

I was in charge of preparing lessons for Sunday school and communicating with parents and youth through email, face to face and phone. I also organized monthly youth group events, assisted in the Scarborough-wide DOXA youth gathering, attended the annual Premix Conference with one of my youth, and hosted a praise and worship night at St. Andrews. Oh, and I also was responsible for the behind the scenes scaffolding that holds all this stuff up, from budgeting and managing expenses to advertising (which, even for a millennial, isn’t my strong point).

Essentially, until Alain was to return in November, the youth ministry of our church rested on my shoulders.

Or did it? 

My time so far has been as humbling as it has been motivating, as above all, I have learned that the best ministry does not come from me, but rather through me, from the Holy Spirit. 

Going into the job, I thought I couldn’t handle the task given to me–that I wasn’t equipped or trained enough to do this job. When I expressed these concerns to Alain though, he said that he wouldn’t have given me this job if he didn’t feel I was ready. God was telling him that I was the person for the job. 

Before his departure to his three-month sabbatical, he wrote this in his final newsletter to his supporters: “I am so encouraged to know that the young people are in the hands of someone who has been a Timothy in my life.” It was this comparison that encouraged me to look deeper into the relationship between the apostle Paul and his protege, the titular Timothy. 

For those who aren’t familiar, Paul was an early follower of Jesus who, after converting from a life dedicated to persecuting Christians, became one of the Spirit’s most powerful tools to in the spread of the Gospel and formation of the early church. Timothy, on the other hand, was a young believer who is named by Paul multiple times throughout his letters (which make up a large portion of the New Testament). Timothy first came on the scene in Acts 16:1-3, when Paul meets him on his journey through the city of Lystra in Asia Minor, and is impressed by the wonderful things that the other believers in the area said about him. Paul requests his company on the journey, and the rest, as witnessed by over two dozen references and two books of the Bible that bear his name, is history.

Crucially though, Timothy was just a normal believer in whom Paul saw potential, and who rooted himself and his ministry in Christ, through the Holy Spirit. In order to empower Timothy to fulfill his task Paul reminded him constantly of his identity in Christ. As Stacy E Hoel writes, “Paul’s process of empowering Timothy involves revealing that Timothy was called by God to be a minister, serving as an example of what it means to be one of God’s workers, and reminding Timothy of his ministerial goals.”

Though I didn’t feel totally confident in myself going into this new phase of ministry, Alain’s commissioning of me by reminding me of this ancient relationship helped me focus on the true center of ministry: the loving, unyielding, and all-encompassing sovereignty of Christ. Walking faithfully next to that, I knew this ministry was in good hands, or rather, on strong shoulders. 

And so, like Timothy, I learned. 

St. Andrew’s is no Ephesus, but I saw quickly what challenges lay ahead of me. Youth ministry is really not as easy as it looks!

For example, I quickly realized that I’m not actually a very gifted teacher, at least in the traditional sense (fortunately this isn’t the only part of youth ministry). Rather than letting this discourage me however, I can see it as a place for growth and for God’s power to be made perfect in my weakness. Conversely, I have really found a calling in the way I’m able to be with the youth, talk to them on their level, and minister to them with acts of service. 

It’s been eye-opening to see how much potential there is for this ministry, and it’s my prayer that I’ll be able to spend the rest of my time in this position helping to guide that potential and remove barriers that might be in the way.

Just as Paul forged a relationship to pour into Timothy–just how Alain forged a relationship to pour into me–so too do I want to enter into relationship with these youth and have them enter into relationships with each other. I’ve been able to see just how unique and different each of the youth that comes to our programs, and their uniqueness is both a challenge and an encouragement. I see now just how important it is to focus on individual needs and meeting youth where they are, rather than following cookie-cutter formulas that may form how youth ministry has worked in the past. Using a holistic approach like this is so daunting, but it becomes a lot easier when I remember that I’m not working on my own strength: the Holy Spirit who empowered, Paul, Timothy, Alain, and me, is working in our church, bringing life to our ministry and empowering all of us–’teachers’ and youth alike–to be ministers to each other.

Now that Alain has come back, I’ve been working closely with him; he’s responsible for the program once again, but I continue to assist, now with increased confidence and experience. I feel we can accomplish many things together as a team–as people say, 2 heads are better than one!  

There’s so much more to be done in the upcoming several months. More youth nights, the Elevation Winter retreat, and a disciple-making conference in Orlando are all upcoming, along with youth Sunday school every week. And that’s only the things scheduled within my expected tenure–with the possibility of extension who knows what opportunities and challenges await.

I honestly feel 2020 is going to be a big year of ministry for me. I don’t quite know why I feel this so strongly, but please pray that God gives me guidance, wisdom, and obedience. The fields, after all, are ripe for the harvest, and I’m ready to walk into them with even more confidence than before.

Stay grateful,

Cricket

P.S. I have one additional prayer request, if you’re willing. I’m planning to tell my parents about my faith in the next week or so; please pray that God will provide me with guidance, protection, courage, the right words to say, and that he will prepare my parents hearts and removes any barriers that are in the way of telling them.

See A Change; or, As the Nose on Your Face

Originally Published: November 27, 2019

As I was thinking about what to write for this post, a familiar joke popped into my mind. Stop me if you’ve heard it.

Why did the boy throw his clock out the window?

He wanted to see time fly.

Sorry, that was pretty quick; I guess there wasn’t a lot of time to stop me, even if you had heard that one before. Plus, this is a blog, so unless you were planning on pounding the ‘close tab’ button as soon as you read the lead in, I’m not sure how you could have stopped me.

I guess the boy didn’t need to throw his clock out the window this time, because time flew all on its own. And isn’t that so often the case?

Over a year ago, I had this interesting encounter with one of my former high school friends. It was the morning of Easter Sunday, and I ran into him at the bus stop. Given that it was, you know, both Easter and a Sunday, I was headed to church. 

We got talking, and he started telling me how he liked me posting inspirational stuff on Instagram, something I had been doing at the time. We hopped on the bus. I asked him where he was going; he said work and I said Church. The conversation spun off from there, and I shared how I’d started focusing on God above all else–how worshiping the Lord matters more than always making money–which is why I was on my way to church and had been posting inspirational content on Instagram. 

When he knew me, my life revolved around money? I was always talking about money and how to make money and what new way I’d be able to make more money faster. Three years later on this bus ride, he told me that I had changed completely, that I was now just about the opposite of what I was before. 

I can’t speak for him; I don’t know if our conversation had any real impact on him–if it was a real example of how Christ changes lives, or if it was just another thing he saw in his busy day–but I know it had an impact on me. This experience opened my eyes to how powerfully God has worked in my life. I literally wanted to start balling and worship the Lord on the TTC (which probably would have been the part that left a real impact on him). I wouldn’t have noticed if I hadn’t seen myself through his eyes.

“He wanted to see time fly.”

It’s easy to see time fly by. It’s a lot harder to see the changes that occur across weeks, months, years, and decades.

And yet, as followers of Jesus, this is the sort of change we hope for. Jesus said that his disciples would be known by their love. We read in Galatians of the fruit of the spirit that is evident in the life of someone whose whole world has been changed by the grace of God. And 2 Corinthians tells us how radical this change is: “if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!”

When we read these passages though, we can sometimes get scared. Maybe you’ve been a Christian as long as you can remember, and don’t have an incredible conversion experience to point to. Maybe you are all too aware of the addictions and brokenness’s that you still see in yourself and the world, despite giving as much faith as you have. Maybe it’s taken all you have just to just keep up with the breakneck mundanity of life, and looking back, you feel as if you haven’t moved in years.

But love is moving. Christ is alive and well, and the Spirit is awake in the world. If we’ve attached ourselves to Jesus, what does that say for us?

That Easter, as I stood in church singing Mighty to Save, tears started to drip down my cheeks. Don’t get me wrong; the song is good, but the tears really came because that morning I understood just how little I understood about how mightily God had saved me. 

I can see a change from when I was greedy for money and wanted to keep it all towards myself. Now I’m giving more than I ever have. I still feel the price–I’ve had to cut down on some things–but it’s become so much easier to be generous.

And yet, I needed the reminder for that all to really hit home.

In this life, we can never know fully how much God is working in us. From our own vantage points, it’s like trying to look at your nose: you can see a little bit of either side at a time, but when you try to look at both sides you’ll just hurt your eyes, and unless you’re specifically thinking about it (like if you’re reading a blog post and the writer prompts you to try) you don’t even notice it’s there.

For others though, this change can be, well, as plain as the nose on your face. 

James 1 reminds us that “anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom and continues in it not forgetting what they have heard but doing it they will be blessed in what they do.”

At the risk of overextending James’ metaphor, if we are to look continually into “the perfect law that gives freedom,” it would follow that we would also need to be looking at ourselves to see where change is necessary, and where change is happening. And this sort of reflection requires an appropriate mirror.

Having someone else notice and point out a change is amazing, as it provides reassurance that you are growing, and courage, motivation and strength to continue your journey with God. It’s great to have experiences where you’re reminded just how far you have come–we can see the 2009/2019 Ten Year Challenge pictures that are cropping up all over as a more commonplace example of a similar sentiment.

Those experiences don’t come along all the time though, so we need to put ourselves in places of reflection.

We need to find ourselves circles of those who we can be accountable to, for the challenges and successes. We need to remember our growth as we pray, looking to see God glorified in what he has done for his children. And we need to take the opportunities to make these changes clear in the way we love our neighbours.

Moving forward I want the love that God shows me to be evident in my life, so as to show others that Christ lives within me. I personally think that our transformation from our old self to the new creation Christ has made us should be make others question “why are they like this? They seem different.”

As you show other people God’s love, and they begin to see changes in you, you can share that these transformations of your heart come from desire to follow Jesus and to honour God in your life. As you show others God’s love, I believe that it creates little openings where God’s light can shine through. Over time, the more someone is shown God’s love, the bigger that opening becomes, and in turn, even more light shines in.

So, like the boy in our joke earlier probably learned, it’s time to stop watching time fly. Let us instead watch love move–in, around, and through us. Let us be reflective both inwardly and outwardly.

Change is here, and he has a name.

When You Fall; or, what is Worship? – A Message from October 26, 2019

Originally Published: October 28, 2019

The following message was given at the St. Andrews Scarborough Praise and Worship Night on Saturday, October 26th, 2019. It adapts and expands upon our earlier series, “Drawing Near,” from August 13th.

What comes to mind when you hear the word worship?

A lot of us, when put on the spot, would say that worship is about music. We have images of guitars or pipe organs, Hillsong or church choirs. But the Bible tells us that worship isn’t limited to music alone.

Paul writes in Romans 12, “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God–this is your true and proper worship.” This means that everything we do, if done for the glory and honour of God, is worship.

My friend Stephan and I run a blog together, and a couple months ago, we wrote a series (which this talk right now is slightly adapted from) about our time working with Indigenous kids at the Serpent River First Nation this summer, and the way we saw worship while we were there. It was so cool to be on the look-out for it, because it really did show how much goes into worship that we don’t often think about.

Worship can be anything that glorifies and honours God, but really, it’s less about what you do and more about how you do it. It’s not like checking boxes–not like” if I go to church on Sunday, sing all the songs, and volunteer in Sunday School once a month, then I’m worshiping.”  Rather, worship is all about posture.

How many of you just sat/stood up a little straighter? If you didn’t, don’t worry–that’s not what I mean by posture. 

In the first song that our wonderful band led tonight, we sang, “When you fall, we fall on our knees, and when you fall, we fall at your feet.” That’s a better idea of what I mean when I say posture. In fact, “proskuneo,” the greek word that we often translate as “worship” throughout the Bible means to kneel down, bow before someone, and even kiss their feet. To do so would demonstrate love, adoration, respect, (hopefully) trust, and an understanding that they are greater than you are.

We see Mary (Jesus’ friend, not his mom) doing this in Luke 7 when she kneels down to clean Jesus’ feet with ointment and her own tears. We see Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego thrown into the fiery furnace for refusing to bow down like this for King Nebuchadnezzarr’s gold statue in Daniel 3 (don’t worry–God had their back, so they were fine). And we see Peter stop Cornelius the Centurion from kneeling down like this before him in Acts 10, because Peter knew that it was only God who deserved this sort of worship.

Now, if I’m telling you that you can worship in everything you do, does that mean you should just hobble around on your knees? Not really. What it does mean is that we can focus on the things that bowing down represents–love, adoration, respect, trust, reverence–all of that, in all we do. 

The thing is that you can’t really go without worshipping. There’s always gonna be something bigger than you, something that you put first, something that you pour all your love into. For me before I knew Jesus, it was money, or work, which sorta go hand in hand in a lot of ways. For others it’s school, or success, or relationships, or sex, or–well I think you get the point. 

That’s not say any of these things are necessarily bad–they’re all either good or, like money, useful as tools. But if we let them become our focus, they become the thing we worship.

Let me use an example from my own life. How many of you are in school right now? Myself, I’m currently between schools, having just graduated from George Brown from the Child and Youth Care program earlier this year. Before that, I had studied Police Foundations at Centennial, but the two experiences could not be more different. 

At Centennial, I focused all my energy on getting the best grades so that I could prove I was successful, even though so many people had made me think I was a failure all my life. But all that really led to was constant stress to the point that my mental health was in a very dangerous place.

On the other hand, at George Brown, I focused on surrendering my studies to God. That doesn’t mean I just stopped putting in the work and left it up to God to do anything, but rather that I trusted that he has the best interests for me, so I didn’t need to worry about myself, and whatever I did in school–however hard I worked or what my attitude was each day–was a reflection of the love he has for me, the ways he has blessed me, and my hope to share his love with others. 

I’m not gonna lie and say there wasn’t still some stress, but I knew where to take it when there was. I knew who was in control. And I graduated with honours.

Paul also gives a really good example of this relationship in 1 Corinthians 10. He’s talking about food, which, I don’t know about you, but I’m a fan of. But in the context of the people who he was writing to, there was some disagreement about whether believers should be eating with nonbelievers. Paul reminds his readers that the Good News of Jesus isn’t about what food we should or shouldn’t eat, but about revealing that God has come to live among us and tear us from the clutches of death. So, he says “whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” Use your eating, and your drinking, and your use of money, and your work, and school, and relationships, and successes, and failures to show and tell people about the God who makes all of it matter.

We’re going to transition in a moment into a time of prayer where I’ll encourage you to worship in a way that might be new to you. We’ve got a couple of stations around the room: journaling, beading, and drawing. I’d encourage you to think about the way you worship and how that impacts the way you live. Spoiler alert–they’re kind of the same thing.

If I wanted you to take away anything from this message it would be this: we’ve got to bring everything before God. Worship means laying all of ourselves–including our cares, worries, and fears–at Jesus’ feet. Because we know that he is faithful, and we know that he loves us more deeply than we can ever know, and we know that because of him we are forgiven and free.

If you don’t know this forgiveness and freedom–if you feel like you don’t know him, or you would like to know him better, there are people here who will pray with you. You are never too far, it is never too late, and there is nothing so big that you cannot lay it before him.  

And so, let us live together like that. Let us live lives of worship, pointing in all we do to the one who loves us first and best. Let us live and work like God is with us, because he is. 

We hope you enjoyed this slightly different type of Confession from Crickets, and while you’re still reading, we’d like to stress that that call at the end of the message–the opportunity to get to know the forgiveness and freedom that are found in Jesus–is not only for those who were at the praise and worship event where this message was given. It’s for you too. If this Jesus intrigues you, please drop us a line either in our contact section, or in the messages of whatever social media led you here. No matter where you are on your journey–if this is the first time you’ve heard of Jesus, if you have been thinking about him for a while and want to learn more, or even if you’ve known Jesus for a lifetime, but would like to know him better–it would be our distinct pleasure to invite you to come and see the God who makes it all matter.

Thankful Disciple-Makers; or, Mentors Move Mountains

Originally Published: October 14, 2019      

We at Confessions from Crickets would like to thank all our readers for being patient with us these past few weeks as we have lapsed in our normal posting schedule. It’s been a time of transition for both of us, as we’re starting new school programs, jobs, and phases of life. We hope to be more consistent in the future and are so grateful for your constant support.

Let me start today by extending the happiest of Thanksgivings to you and your loved ones. May it be time to reflect on what you have to be thankful for and praise God for things he has provided for you in your life. Of course, it’s always good to keep an attitude of thankfulness always, but it’s especially useful to have a specific time to focus on it.

Today’s post is one that I’ve been holding onto for a while and is one of the most important to me. Of course, every blog post is important to me in a different way but given that I’m writing this on Thanksgiving Day in Canada, I thought I’d take the opportunity to use this blog to thank a few of the most amazing, outstanding, remarkable, and unforgettable people in my life: my mentors, Alain Virgin, Calvin Russell and Jeff Smyth. 

(Alain Virgin)

(Jeff Smyth)

(Calvin Russell)

I’m beyond grateful that God has placed these three men in my life. Words can’t describe the impact they have had on me (but given that this is a blog, I guess I’m gonna have to give it a shot). Not only have they been with me since the very beginning or know my story inside out, but they are also still helping me along my spiritual journey with God. 

As I see it, we’re born with two fathers: our birth father and our Heavenly Father. It’s a sad reality that, for so many people, the former of those two often fails to live up to the task, and for others, the latter might be unknown to them for so long. As much as my heart goes out to these people, I can’t say that this has been my experience. Rather, I haven’t had just one or two fathers–I have five.  Alain, Calvin, and Jeff have been filling those extra roles together for the past few years, and I couldn’t be more fortunate.

But today is not Father’s Day; today is Thanksgiving. So why am I going on and on about my overabundance of fathers?

To answer that, let’s look at one of my favourite pieces of Scripture. After Jesus’ death and resurrection, he visits his followers and says “‘All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age’” (Matthew 18b-20).  

For many, this is a very familiar passage. As Christians, we are charged with the jubilous responsibility of sharing the good news of God with us to everyone we meet–and moreover, everyone in the world. However, just because the news is good, that doesn’t mean that the job is easy.

In a world that is as fast paced and interconnected as ours is, it’s both ironic and totally understandable that it’s so easy to feel alone. As a result, and perhaps spurred by an ever-rising entrepreneurial spirit, it can seem that the right choice for any young Christian is to stride out alone, Bible in hand, with the assurance that in Christ they are never alone and seek to “make disciples of all nations” all on their lonesome. And while I am certainly not one to limit the ever-surprising power of God, who I’m sure could move mountains with this one stalwart evangelist, I’m more and more convinced that this is not how the gospel was meant to be spread. 

Section 7.1.5 of Living Faith, the Presbyterian Church in Canada’s statement of faith, identifies the church as apostolic, a word that is fundamentally tied to the commission we read in Matthew. Specifically, “apostle,” from which “apostolic” derives, roughly means ‘one sent on a mission’’–we are messengers of God and delegates of Christ, taking his love to all people. But on the flip side, ‘apostolic’ makes reference to those first messengers that we read about in our Bibles, and reminds us of our connection to them, and to each other.

Another one of my favourite passages comes from 1 John 4:19: “We love because he [God] first loved us.” Likewise, in John 15:16, Jesus says “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit–fruit that will last–and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.”

Both of these passages point to the first meaning of ‘apostolic’–they both speak to an outward pouring of fruitful love–but they also make clear the second part. For a messenger to be sent, someone has to send them. Someone has to equip us to go, love us to love, plant in us that we may bear fruit. Ultimately, this someone is God, but God often lays the commissioning hands on us as and through the hands of others. 

Which brings me back around to my three father figures from earlier.

I’ve always been a sucker for mentorship, but there’s just something so powerful about the Christian ethic of relationship that makes these mentors especially fulfilling. As I mentioned earlier, Alain, Calvin, and Jeff were all there for me during the formational points in my faith journey and have continued to walk beside me through everything that has come since. They have provided guidance, support, encouragement, knowledge, wisdom, and sacrificial love, all within the embrace of a healthy relationship.

I’ve heard that a youth only needs one caring adult in their life for them to be changed. Yeah, these people were my caring adults. I feel that I can trust them with anything, but this is a trust that has been built on years of history. These people showed me the love that God has shown me–the unconditional love God shows all of us–and have modeled it well.

Crucially, this love that they share is a love that propagates. Because of the love that I have received in the relationships of which I have been a part, my heart is on fire to support other youth. So, in closing, I offer a few words of affirmation.

To my mentors, thank you; you have made a difference in my life, and I know I am not the only one. 

To all mentors, be at peace; when you feel like you’re not making an impact on life, just remember that you are without knowing it. Change for good isn’t always loud and obvious, and the love that effects this change is the same. Sometimes, simply being present in someone’s life is all they may need. 

And finally, to all of us–and I do mean us, because I need this reminder too–remember that we will have an effect on everyone we meet, and we need to make the best of it. I don’t say this to highlight a worry, though I’m sure this is one for many of us. I also don’t want to encourage a crude entrepreneurism, where interaction becomes networking and relationship becomes transaction. Rather, with Jesus as our model, and a whole cloud of apostolic witnesses testifying, let us speak, befriend, mentor, and pray, because this is what love does. 

Better Plans; or, Joshua’s Walk with Christ

Originally Published: September 16, 2019

Today, for the second installment of our My Walk with Christ series, it’s my pleasure to introduce Joshua Chacko. I met Joshua at Urbana 2018, specifically in a South Asian lounge they’d set up for the conference. I got to share my story of faith with him and he got to share his experience and testimony with me. A couple weeks ago, I asked if he would be able to share his story, and I’m so glad he’s willing to do so (and to be our first non-Canadian guest writer)! Without further ado, here’s Joshua!

Joshua Chacko

My testimony is just like any other—a story of some ordinary person transformed by an extraordinary God, and how the Jesus I thought I knew, entered into my life, surprised me, and transformed me. It’s not the radical outward transformation some may expect, but a slow progressive one leading to a complete change of my heart, soul, and mind, possible only through Jesus Christ working in my life and leading me every step of the way.

I was born and brought up in a Christian household and went to church like many others. I knew about Jesus from a very young age, always attended Sunday school, and accepted Jesus into my life as my Savior and my King somewhere between seven and ten. To answer the question you’re probably asking, no, it wasn’t just a prayer that I repeated; it was something I understood and meant. I confessed my sins, declared my belief in Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection, and accepted Jesus as my Savior and my God. In no other moment up to that point do I remember experiencing such peace and joy.

After that I followed Christ, and learned a little more about Him, but like most of us, I began to wander. I pretty much forgetting about Jesus except on Sundays. That lasted for the majority of middle school and high school. For most of this time I was just content to “saved,” but didn’t feel like that needed to impact the rest of my life. The one exception to this was the summer of my junior year of high school where I learned about my own faith and how to properly share the good news of Jesus Christ to strangers. Little did I know how much that would help me out in the future. 

It wasn’t until college and joined a Christian fellowship at Stony Brook University in New York called InterVarsity, that I really began to grow in my walk and knowledge of God again. At the time, I had absolutely no clue how God would use this fellowship to help me grow spiritually and even change the course of my whole life for the better.

Entering freshman year of college, I had a mentality somewhere along these lines: “I grew up going to church so focused on the Bible, knowing it, following it, preaching it, and even memorizing it. I’ve probably learned everything that I need to spiritually. There may not be a lot to grow in my faith in college, but there may be many things I can share with others.” I can’t even begin to explain how wrong and judgmental I was. Yet God worked through many of the students I met at InterVarsity, who eventually became my close friends and mentors, and I was challenged in my faith to grow and change to be more like Jesus. 

Much of my spiritual growth was through a small group I was challenged to co-lead. Through that God helped not only to grow in love for Him but also for people around me, especially those who weren’t Christian. By the end of my time at Stony Brook, I’d had conversations with students who were agnostics, atheists, and even anti-theists. Through all of these encounters, I realized that I was not only able to share the Good News of Jesus Christ, but also do so in a way that tangibly shared Jesus’ Love to others as well. This was most strongly seen with how God used my life and friendship to change my anti-theist friend’s opinion about both Jesus and Christianity. This made me think for the first time that my mission field, if I had any, may not be around the world somewhere but right here in the U.S. 

Soon after that, I transferred colleges to SUNY Polytechnic in Upstate NY. Though I was a little bit depressed about the transfer and became reclusive for a while, I eventually made a friend who was involved and connected me to the Christian group there called Students of Christ. Then over the course of my time there I eventually came into leadership, and we were led to affiliate with InterVarsity since we share the same vision as them to see students transformed. campuses renewed, and world changers developed at SUNY Poly.

During my time in leadership, from January 2017 to January 2019, God was working strongly in me placing a few passages in my heart that he spoke to me about all throughout that year. These were passages that I struggled with, learned from, and guided me. They were Mathew 7 about relationship, Ephesians 6 about putting on the whole armor of God, and pretty much the whole book of James—particularly about me being an unstable man. It was these words that followed me that whole year no matter where I was, who I was with, or who I was talking to. I knew God had a reason for all that he was showing and working in me, but I didn’t discover that reason until January 2018.

That January I was invited to a National South-Asian Leadership retreat in Florida held by InterVarsity. At this point my mentality was that though I want to serve God and His people in some way, I wanted the ten years to establish myself in my engineering career first. But, it was here that I finally understood what God was trying to show me. It was the realization that I never truly loved God! Even after 23 years of life! 

This was shocking to me. If I was comparing myself to other Christians my age at that time, I would say that I was the president of a Christian club, that I was actively studying the Bible and seeking a closer relationship with God, and that I had even shared the gospel openly at Time Square. Surely, I loved God a lot, right? No. I realized I didn’t. That I didn’t love Him above myself and my selfish desires, what my community around me thought about me, and especially my plans for my future. I placed all these things far above God in my love and I didn’t want to live a life in which God wasn’t first any longer.

That same day, I decided to love God above everything else in my life. Doing so meant that if I truly loved God, I would obey Him like the Good Father that He is, placing His plans over my plans. It seemed clear that his plans were for me to go into full time ministry on the College campuses, at the mission field I felt I was called to years before!

How God truly affirmed this was through one of the leaders who prayed for me that night. After we prayed, he started telling me what he received from God in prayer, quoting passages from Mathew 7, and Ephesians 6, and even James 5 about all the things that I’ve mentioned earlier! It was really a full-circle moment where everything just came together, confirming the way He wants me to go. 

The last day, one of the other retreat leaders was giving me advice on my next steps and told me I should make 3 commitments.

1)     Tell my parents about my desire and intention into going into full-time ministry on college campuses

2)     Host an outreach program to reach the proportionally large South Asian population at SUNY Poly

3)     Apply to both a full-time job in my field of civil engineering and to InterVarsity staff right after I graduate

For the last one He specifically suggested that I start off with engineering full time while I maybe start off part time as staff in a nearby college for maybe 10 hrs/week and use that first year as a time to discern where God really wanted me. 

After that, I saw all three commitments fulfilled through God’s grace in amazing ways. I would love to share more about all the ways I saw God work in this. But in short, my Indian parents were miraculously accepting of this decision, we held an event to reach the South Asian community that turned out to be a huge success, and I even got accepted to both positions exactly as set beforehand (on the same day on August 6th, 2018 too). Then on top of that, our leadership saw much of our vision for SUNY Poly that year accomplished!

Since then I’ve been ministering on Ramapo college and raising partners in the ministry so that I can continue into full-time campus ministry, and God willing, I’ll officially be starting full-time ministry this fall semester. God has led my path every step of the way and He still is doing so now. There’s still so much to share but let me leave you with this one reminder that God has reinforced in throughout my life: God is always faithfully working even when we aren’t, and His plans are so much better than our own.

Hi there—Cricket again! I hope you appreciated Joshua’s story; I know I did. Just quickly, I wanted to take a moment to speak to any believers among you who, like Joshua, have been raised in Christian families. I’ve often found that when you tell your stories, you can downplay the importance of it, but I’d like to encourage you to, just like Joshua, appreciate the ways that God has been working in your lives in big ways, even when they’re not dramatic. Our stories are unique to each and every one of us, and whether you can point to one big moment of transformation, or a hundred thousand little ones, God is still at work, and He still values you just as much. There was a plan in place, God was fulfilling that plan, and no matter how you got here, you’re running the race, and that’s what counts.

To Youth and to Future; or, Building Relationships like Jesus

Originally Published: August 27, 2019

“The Youth Are the Future!”

It’s a phrase we’ve all heard before in one iteration or another, but it’s one of which I grow more and more convinced every day. If you were to ask me why I am so passionate about youth, that would be my answer. 

I’ve spent the past few several years engaged in supporting youth in one way or another, and just a few weeks ago, I applied to be a Community Youth Supervisor with the City of Toronto. Doing so encouraged me to think back on my experience working with youth, and to consider how I see God working through my passion.

The second part of that reflection is especially important to be because, not only are youth the future in a general sense; they are also the future of the Church. As one who was saved as a youth, I know this firsthand. The young people around us can be such powerful forces for change and reformation. The question that faces people like me—those who spend their life serving and encouraging youth—is how to show Christ in a way that fits their context. An inner-city, government-run youth hub is not a church, but that doesn’t mean that the Spirit can’t get through the doors.

A few hours before I interviewed for the Community Youth Supervisor position, I visited the youth hub where I had spent last year’s summer months. On my co-op from George Brown College, I had been placed there to work with the youth; it’s also where I really started getting to know my girlfriend, Kamal, so it’s sufficed to say that the space holds good memories for me.

I was returning just to visit, primarily to see one specific youth. When he saw me through the door, his face brightened (as did mine presumably). He wrapped me in a hug—which means a lot as I’m not much of a hugger—and I could tell how happy he was to see me. It was honestly amazing.

When I’d worked with him the year previous, he hadn’t been shy about his affection, often calling me ‘brother.’ Yet for some reason, this far removed, the embrace meant so much more. It was a physical testimony to the relationship we’d been able to build, even in my short time working with him.

If you read the last post (or should I say series), which detailed my experiences of worship this year at the Serpent River first nation, you’ll know how important I find relationships to be when it comes to ministry. Jesus build a ministry out of relationship building, so that’s how I chose to engage these kids.

Consider for instance Jesus’ ministry to Matthew (himself probably not much older than 16 or 18), which is recorded in the gospel book that bears his name. Matthew started out as a tax collector, one of the most despised individuals in first century Jewish culture. Seeing him at his post, Jesus asked Matthew to follow him—to come and see what he was doing.

When Matthew first accepted Jesus’ offer to follow him, he probably didn’t expect he’d be one of the most important messengers of the Good News that the world has ever known, nor that he’d be remembered 2000 years later. But as he walked beside Jesus through his ministry, change happened.

Not long after we read about Jesus’ call to Matthew, we see the two of them eating at Matthew’s house, surrounded by many other “tax collectors and sinners,” which the Jewish officials are not too jazzed about. This is where Jesus famously says that “it is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick,” but for our interest right now it’s more important what he is doing than what he is saying.

He is being with these people—unlike the religious leaders who would maybe see the sinful, the oppressed, and the downtrodden at a distance—in the street or God-forbid in the temple—Jesus seeks them out and spends time with them.

Jesus often took the time to speak, eat with, and pour into the small group of disciples with whom he spent the most time. It’s Jesus’ teachings that tell us what God looks like, but it is his relationships—his compassion, patience, care, and unconditional love to the disciples, those around him, and even to us—that show us.

Likewise, we can minister through relationships. I’m not gonna say it’s easy to form a strong, healthy, and Christlike relationship with a youth within the bounds of a structured state-not-church environment, but we can certainly be a source of unconditional love that they so dearly need and struggle to find elsewhere. God is bigger than any one moment, season, or relationship, and he cares for these youth more than you or I ever could. It’s our job to love them just as Christ loves us: vulnerably, with an active understanding (i.e. praying continually) that God is the source of any power that we may steward. 

I got that job, by the way—the Community Youth Supervisor position. I thought I’d flubbed the interview, despite the reassurance I’d received not too long before, but I got a call back the next day, and before long I was chosen. I mention this to say that this reflection is just as much a reminder for myself. While I work in a church as well, this job will find me in an environment where the name of Jesus isn’t always so welcome. But in spite of that (or maybe because of it), I’m excited. 

Just as the sick need a doctor the most, God’s saving power is most evident in my weakness. I have seen firsthand the ways that God’s power has extended beyond my power, my reach, and my vision, and whether I will see any seeds I plant in this job harvested, I am confident in the God of relationships. He who begins a good work will carry it on to completion, whether I am there to see it or not. 

Drawing Near; or, A Week of Worship

Originally Published: August 12, 2019

Drawing Near; or, A Week of Worship

What comes to mind when you hear the word worship?

A lot of us, when put on the spot, would say that worship is about music. We have images of guitars or pipe organs, Hillsong or church choirs. But the Bible tells us that worship isn’t limited to music alone.

Paul writes in Romans 12, “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God–this is your true and proper worship.” This means that everything we do, if done for the glory and honour of God, is worship.

Today, Stephan (my editor) and I are once again visiting the Serpent River First Nation. Ahead of us lies a week of fun, hard work, and service, all of which are opportunities for worship.

So, we’re gonna try something new. Stephan, also an artist, runs a project called Broken Mirrors, which saw him create visual artistic reflections on Bible passages and themes, and for this week, we are collaborating to put into pictures the way we see worship each day, as we work and play with the children of Serpent River.

Check back every day this week for updates, look forward to an overall reflection on what worship means to us next weekend, and please consider praying for us and our team.

We’re so excited to see–and share–what God is gonna do this week!

Drawing Near – Day 1 (Monday, August 5, 2019)

Today, being a holiday in Canada, was still a day of relative rest, compared to the stress of the next few days. We spent a lot of the day at the local beach, Stockwater, playing with children from the community and our fellow teammates. Early in the afternoon, one of our team members, sitting on a chair submerged in the water, joked about sitting on water, just as Jesus had walked on it. The fact that even our jokes bleed Jesus is a silly little thing, but it makes me think about what it really means to have Jesus as the centre of our lives. Yeah it’s silly–the rest of the time was too–but in these moments of fun, laughter, vulnerability, and friendship, we worship.

Drawing Near – Day 2 (Tuesday, August 6, 2019)

Today was the first day of daycamp and boy did it go off with a bang. Hypothetically, it probably wouldn’t have been hard to pick a moment of worship to reflect on today amidst the Jesus-centred camp fun, but boy oh boy was it hectic. What that means is that the standout moment has ended up being a quieter one. In the afternoon, after most of the kids went to the park, I (Cricket) stayed back with some of the older campers and we did some cooking together, our goal being chicken alfredo. While we’re not gonna win Master Chef any time soon, this time of collaboration and teaching meant a lot to me, and really reminded me what a Christ-centred attitude looks like in this kind of work. We were gathered around food–not so unlike Jesus and his disciples on that Last Supper or Resurrection Fish Fry–enjoying each other’s company, and looking to the future, where relationships may have grown, and skill may have been learned. And in doing so, we worshipped.

Drawing Near – Day 3 (Wednesday, August 7, 2019) 

This past year, the Serpent River community installed a play park behind the lifestyle centre that serves as our shelter and base of operations for camp. For the kids, it’s an oasis. They always wanna play on that thing–and when they blaze through whatever activity we leaders have planned, it’s a good fallback for us as well. I’ve been working with one child, Jonny (not his real name), who has anger management issues. He’s been better this year, but still flew off the handle a few times a day. Today however, as we played at the park together, and I pushed him on the swing, he was comfortable with me, and happy as could be. We’ve been reminded many times this trip that, more than words or actions, people remember how you made them feel. We’re here to build relationships because we care about these children and their community, just like Jesus does. In his ministry on Earth, he spent so much time building relationships–pouring into his disciples and spending time with them. Relationships take patience and dedication–no one time on the swings will show a child how much Jesus loves them–but I’m happy to have the opportunity to follow my king and build relationships in his image. I love the moment and look to the future, and in doing so, I worship.

Drawing Near – Day 4 (Thursday, August 8, 2019)

Today we had communion, which is probably one of the easier places to see worship. However, this time, we were encouraged to try it a slightly different way. Rather than the typical delivery of bread and wine from the front of the church, each member of our team took a full slice of bread and a cup of wine (aka grape juice) and walked around the room serving each other. Each time our eyes met another’s, we took a minute to say what difference Christ’s life, death, and resurrection has made in our lives before tearing off a piece of our own slice and serving it to the other person. I’ve never understood so quickly and so wholly the power of Jesus to bring people together. We, an already fairly diverse team, came from all over the world, from all different stories, through so many trials, and through death itself with Jesus to a new life here and now, one which sees us sharing his love so far from home with people who are just as unique as us. And together, we worship.

Drawing Near – Day 5 (Friday, August 9, 2019) 

Today was the last day of daycamp, which made for a lot of emotions, both positive and negative. I’m going to miss these kids, and this community, a lot, but I’m hopeful for the future. Not only has the growth in the kids this year made me excited to come back for years to come, but I have also seen firsthand how Jesus is impacting these kids’ lives. After lunch, I was hanging out with the older campers, doing some more cooking, and one of them asked if we could listen to one of the songs we sing in the morning: Jesus You’re My Superhero. I was surprised, but obliged. What followed was almost half an hour of these teens, who usually act to cool to sing with everyone else, absolutely jamming out to this simple song about Jesus’ awesomeness. It was amazing. In Acts 17, Paul tells the people of Athens that, as they’ve been worshipping at the shrine to “The Unknown God,” they’ve really been worshipping the God of the Bible. I don’t know if those teens today understand who Jesus is. I don’t know how much God has moved in their hearts. I don’t know if they’ll ever come to know the joy, forgiveness, and beauty that I’ve found in Christ. But what I saw today was worship, and maybe like the first drop of rain or the first strike of thunder, it signals something much bigger on the way. For that I will pray, and in that, we worship. 

Drawing Near – Day 6 (Saturday, August 10, 2019) 

Yesterday, we wrapped up our trip to Serpent River by attending the annual Pow Wow celebration. Always an awesome experience, this year’s Pow Wow was made even better by the surprise tribute: just before our team left for Toronto, the chief herself invited us onto the Pow Wow field to participate in a sacred Honour Song for our team and our efforts over our ten years of relationship with the community. Honestly, words cannot express what it felt like to dance around the circle to the drums, as the children we love so much streamed in from all sides with their families to join us. It was beyond amazing. It was also a great summation of our week on the whole, which is part of the reason I’m writing about it for the conclusion to this series. This week, we really got to see some of the results that the team has been hoping and praying for since the beginning. Parents who once dropped off their kids without so much as a word or refused to allow the name of Jesus to be spoken in their home, now want to engage with us, and want us to engage with their children. So many parents have expressed how much it means for us to be in their children’s lives, and how much they want us to continue to be there–if you’re a parent, you know how much that means. Likewise, the way that the kids have warmed to us, and even, as one little girl expressed, wish we didn’t have a way to get back to Toronto, so we could live in Serpent River instead, is truly humbling. I feel like some of us share her sentiment. I never want us to overstep our bounds–there is a reason why colonists carrying stories of Jesus were viewed with suspicion by the Serpent River community a decade ago. The moment we forget the pain that has been caused in Jesus name, and the pain that still continues which we directly or indirectly benefit from as non-indigenous Canadians, then we have failed in any mission of reconciliation, and moreover have failed to love. I am so grateful for the way that the people of Serpent River have welcomed us into their lives–into their culture, traditions, and homes–over and over again. In the past, Christians have stormed the walls of indigenous culture, angry at what they perceived to be idolatrous and seeking to instill love by force–an idiotic contradiction to say the least. I hope that in every glimpse I am granted into these wonderful peoples’ lives, I follow James’ lead, being “quick to listen” and “slow to speak.” It’s a privilege to build relationships. It’s a privilege to share stories and lives. It’s a privilege to be welcomed and loved in this way, but it’s a necessity to greet this welcome with compassion, focusing on the things that bring us together over the things that drive us apart. It is through living aware of this privilege, leaning into love, and trusting in Christ that we become a living sacrifice. This is what makes worship more than a song. And it is in this that we worship.

Love Transforming; or, Kamal Walk with Christ

Originally Published: July 22, 2019

Hi everyone! I’m Kamal Soobrian. If you’ve read practically any of the posts on this site for the last year or so, you probably know me as Cricket’s girlfriend. This week, Cricket and Stephan (the blog’s editor) have asked me to be a guest writer. Specifically, they want me to talk about my journey of finding Jesus–which is a bit of a task.

As I sit down to write this I wonder: how do I even start to write about that journey? If you’re familiar with Cricket’s testimony, you will know that his story involves being held at knife point, which was a loud shout from God to listen. I think I have struggled to share my story because, for me, I’ve felt like I didn’t have a similarly cinematic experience. 

In some ways, I’ve felt that this made me less Christian, less faithful, less open to seeing God–why hadn’t I had some crazy message sent to me? The truth is it’s really hard to put my journey into words when, for me, the experience of finding Jesus has been more of an emotional awakening than anything else.

Maybe let’s start at the beginning. People who know me know that a lot of my testimony is grounded in my conversion from Hinduism to Christianity; however, I would like to clarify that a bit, because my experience wasn’t exactly the same as my boyfriend’s. 

I was raised in a home with one Christian parent (my Dad, who is not actually a practicing Christian), and one Hindu parent (my Mom, who is relatively more active in her faith). Still, despite being in a mixed faith home I was mostly raised Hindu. What this meant for me was that I was told to celebrate religious holidays, such as Diwali, and to go to religious ceremonies a small handful of times a year at temples, and in people’s homes. Conversely, I was not asked to read Sanskrit, listen to religious songs, or to regularly talk to the Hindu idols. It was similar to how you will have some individuals who identify as Christian, but they only come to church on Easter and they haven’t spent the time creating a relationship with Jesus. 

For me, I was labelled a Hindu. In reality though, I was seeking God for myself, and really just wondering, ‘who is this guy?’ For some of my childhood, my mom would ask me to pray to God and I would before bed, but I had no idea who I was praying to. Was the God my dad’s family prayed to the same as my mom’s? Was it all the same God? Was anyone even hearing me when I prayed? Maybe I didn’t know who I was praying to, but I do know that God was always in my life, even before I became a Christian. 

I’m not a huge fan of the word conversion because in my life that word has had many negative connotations, and that’s not how I feel about becoming a Christian. I think since I was a child, I was always seeking, and I was most definitely confused. Growing up, I went to a private school that was historically Anglican, and as they maintained their traditions, I actually spent almost every morning of my middle and high school years in a chapel–myself and every other student, Christian or not, singing psalms. I can still remember singing in the choir for our annual Nativity and learning about the birth of Jesus. I had no idea what that all truly meant at the time. I just thought it was interesting to learn, but I didn’t know the significance. 

I haven’t used the word ‘conversion’ yet to describe my journey, because really, conversion is not how I really describe my coming to faith. For me it was a transformation of my mind, body and soul. 

The bible says that when you accept Christ into your heart you become a new person, and I can truly attest to this. I think, even before I met Jesus, I wanted to be a new person. My life before Christ was not happy. 

When I was 21 I was diagnosed with a severe case of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and with that came the depression and generalized anxiety that tend to follow an OCD diagnosis. I had moved away from home when I was 18 to go to Western University, but from my first semester onward, I just knew that something was off. I struggled with the anxiety in silence until my first semester of fourth year when I decided to seek help. 

Since that moment, up until I found Jesus, I was seeking an understanding for how this could be happening and why this was happening to me. I spent most of my undergraduate years drinking to drown out the feelings of unbearable fear and worry all the time. I graduated in 2015, came home, started a summer job, and left within a week because my panic attacks made it impossible to work. I was on bed rest for that whole summer, and this was the first of two major flare ups I would have. 

The second flare up would come in the fall of 2016. I had recently stopped drinking, realizing that I was going down a dark path of self-destruction. This time when the anxiety hit, it hit hard, and I was at the lowest place in my life I have ever been. I did not think I would be able to keep on going because my life had no meaning to me, I would wake up and dread that I was still having to live this life, in this body, with this illness. 

Since then, I went through different antidepressants, CBT, counselling, and was able to recover enough to function again by the following year. Still, I just felt this need to find purpose in my life. No amount of medication, or counselling was going to fill that empty space inside my heart, from which there was something profoundly missing. 

When I started dating Cricket in May of 2018, we had already been friends for a few months. He was actually the person who introduced Jesus to me. This introduction however was not a smooth one. He would try and talk to me frequently about coming to church with him, or about asking God to show me that he was the one and only God. I was very overwhelmed.  If you know Cricket, then you will know that his love for Jesus is intense in a beautiful way, but for me at the time, I was just thinking, “stop making me think about these questions about faith that I can’t handed.” I felt that I needed to do things on my own time. 

I don’t think that I knew at the time, but there was a deep spiritual awakening beginning. I would cry every time Cricket brought up our differences in faith and how he hoped I would try and talk to God, but not because I was upset with him. I knew that big changes were coming, and I was afraid. I was afraid to take that leap of faith to get to know God because I knew that would be the start of a new chapter that would possibly involve disappointing and angering family and friends who are not Christian–a fear that Cricket and I have definitely shared. 

I did begin to attend Christian events that summer. I went to the big fundraiser for Cricket’s trip to the Serpent River First Nation (read more about that here) and one of Stephan’s music events with the Christian arts collective, Ecclesia. Funnily enough, both of these events were moments I knew most definitely in my heart that I was falling in love with Cricket. And that’s the thing: the feeling of becoming a Christian–it’s much like falling in love. Sometimes words can’t do the feeling justice because there is no way to measure the love in your heart. 

When I did accept Christ, I kind of didn’t know what was going to happen. I knew that I was accepting Christ–I knew that Jesus did exist, that God is real, that Jesus is the son of God–but I think I was anticipating that I needed to be fully grounded in my faith before I accepted Christ. At the time, I was still getting to know Jesus as God, and I really didn’t know all that would come to happen from accepting Christ. I think I expected that I would need to know all the answers and have everything figured out with my faith. 

The truth is I didn’t know much, but what I did know at the time (and now) is that Jesus is real, God the Father is real, and the Holy Spirit sure is real, because I couldn’t deny that he was working around me to get my attention. 

Right before I accepted Christ, I heard the story of Saul becoming Paul when he went blind after seeing Jesus on the road, and God healed him by removing the scales from his eyes. The funny thing is, I knew that this message was meant for me. When I went back to that podcast to find the verse again, I couldn’t find it, and I wondered if I had made it up. Was I searching so hard for God to show me a sign that I was hearing things? But now I realize that the Holy Spirit works in ways we could never imagine. Maybe it wasn’t there in the sermon to begin with, but for me it was. I knew that hearing this story three times in one week had to mean that God was talking to me. 

For so much of my life I felt like I just wanted to see. I just wanted to see God; I wanted to feel God; I wanted to know God. Just as Paul become a new person, dedicating his life to serving Jesus, I feel that I too will never be the same.

I think sometimes that new Christians might feel that in the moment you accept Christ, angels will appear, and you will be glowing, and you will magically be transformed into a new human being. When I left church that day, I was still Kamal, but the Holy Spirit was present in my heart. I had let the space that was so empty be filled with God’s love, and that is the true transformation. 

I have yet to tell my family or friends that I am a Christian, but I know that this will happen in time. Since accepting Christ, I have had the chance to work for Light Patrol, a ministry of Youth Unlimited committed to working closely with marginalized and street-involved youth. In this position, I have seen God reveal himself in so many ways that if I was doubting him at all, he’s been sure and faithful to shake that out of me. I have witnessed spiritual warfare come down on earth that felt like an outer body experience. I have seen miracles when I was losing hope. I have had God teach me tough lessons about how I should trust in him more. I have seen kindness from others whose life should have made them tough. And I have found a family with the people with whom I work and volunteer that I truly never felt I deserved. 

When I accepted Christ, Cricket and my youth pastor (Alain Virgin, who’s also got quite a bit of ‘airtime’ on this blog) asked me to pray. I chose to do so quietly to myself because I was nervous. They didn’t hear that what I said was a thanks to God for calling on me, and for being there for me so I don’t ever have to feel alone again. Maybe I wasn’t held at knife point (praise Jesus!), but that doesn’t mean that God wasn’t working to gain my attention. Yes, I may still have a mental illness, and yes it is still hard, but I have discovered some things I couldn’t see before: the unconditional love of God, and the person of Jesus, who has brought so much love, so much kindness, and so much laughter into a life that had felt so hopeless and meaningless mere months ago. 

So, if you ask, what does it feel like to be a Christian, I’ll answer with this: it feels like an honour to live a life knowing that Jesus loved me so much he saved me, and that God gave me this life that very much has a purpose. 

Hi, Cricket again.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Kamal Soobrian for being the guest writer for today’s post. I love her very much, and I hope that she has inspired you at least half as much as she inspires me.